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  I know I might be crazy, but the thought of not having my daily calls with Alex is shattering. They’re something I’m not ready to let go of, even if my obsession has gotten a bit unhealthy. Glancing out the window, I can see the snow has picked up a little more. By the time I get out there, it will be really late. I should pack a bag and maybe stay at a local motel or something. If the snow keeps falling like it is, it probably won’t be safe to drive back tonight.

  I rush to my bedroom and hurriedly get a bag together, stopping in front of the mirror to look at myself. I’m going to see him. I’m actually going to be face to face with Alex. I smooth down my brown hair, knowing I don’t have much time to do anything to it. I’m in leggings and a silly Christmas sweater that hugs my body a little tighter than it did a few years ago. It’s festooned with blinking lights you can turn on.

  Doesn’t matter, I tell myself, grabbing my bag. I slip on some boots, a heavy winter coat, and a stocking cap. I grab the USB drive and my laptop, dropping them into the bag as well. I head out to my Jeep and program the address into my navigation. I hit the garage button, pull out of my driveway, and sit there while I watch it close.

  An hour into the drive, my mind starts to get the best of me. What will happen when I get there? Will he be angry that I interrupted his Christmas? Or will he be happy he got the files he needed, and maybe invite me in? But when my mind goes to him maybe spending the holiday with a woman, I know I have to focus my thoughts somewhere else.

  Grabbing my phone, I hit my Audible app and bring up my downloaded books. I hit one of the ones I recorded for Alex. I purchased the audiobook when it went live the other day. I want to listen to the story and get my mind off things, but as the first words are read, what fills my ears makes my stomach knot.

  Chapter 4

  Alex

  After I jerk off twice while listening to Noelle’s voice, I decide to get out of bed and get something to eat. I could stay in bed all day listening to her and touching myself, but it seems kind of sad to spend my Christmas Eve that way.

  I put on some long sweats and a thermal shirt, choosing to dress for bed since it’s getting late. Going over to my stereo, I play the Peanuts Christmas album. I know that if I put on another audio of Noelle, I'll just end up back in bed, stroking myself to her voice. I go to my refrigerator, trying to figure out what I want. I have a big dinner planned for myself tomorrow because I enjoy cooking, and I wanted to do something a little special for Christmas Day. Nothing in my small town would be open anyway, so spending the day reading and eating indoors is on the agenda.

  Looking out the kitchen window, I see the sun setting and the snow is coming down heavily. I’m wondering if the power will even hold out for me to cook. Good thing I’ve got plenty of wood and a fireplace with a stovetop to cook on. I prepared for a worst-case scenario, knowing how bad the weather can be this time of year. Two years ago I got snowed in for over a week and had to hike it into town for supplies. I’m not planning on doing that again. Ever.

  As I pull out stuff to make sandwiches, I think about how I should get a cat or a dog. Something to keep me company during times like this. I enjoy my solitude and being away from the world, but at times it gets really lonely. When I do go into town, I don’t talk to people unless I have to, and I try to cover up my scars as much as possible. I don’t like people looking at me and wondering what happened. Or worse, feeling sorry for me.

  Shaking off that thought, I go back to making myself something to eat. When that’s done, I go over to the living room and sit down in front of the fire. I stare at the flames, thinking about Noelle and wondering what she’s doing right now.

  She’s probably with her family like every other normal person. Enjoying her Christmas Eve with loved ones, or maybe going out with friends. Maybe she’ll meet someone while she’s out, someone who can be seen in public with her and who won’t feel the need to hide himself.

  I think about what it would be like to spend Christmas with Noelle. If I was whole, and she was mine, I think I’d overdose on Christmas cheer. I’d want to spend all day in bed, cuddled up naked and keeping warm. I’d want to make love to her over and over, only letting her out of bed to make cookies with me and to open presents by the fire. Naked, of course. I’d want to taste every inch of her curvy body, eating her pussy in front of the fireplace. I’d want to fuck her over the kitchen counter so she was covered with flour and sprinkles. I’d drag her outside to make snow angels until she was frozen, and then I’d drag her into the tub and give her a bath until she was warm. I’d hold her close to me that night and whisper in her ear how much I lov—.

  “Come on, Alex,” I tell myself, trying to shake off the fantasy. It’s not real, and it never will be. What I have is in my head and nothing more. Thinking I need something to lift my spirits, I walk to my bedroom and grab Noelle’s recording along with my cell phone. I glance down at it as I walk back to the kitchen and freeze when I see a missed call from her.

  I don’t think twice as I call her back immediately, wondering how I could have missed it. Oh yeah, I was busy jerking off a couple of times listening to her read dirty books out loud. Jesus, Alex, could you be more fucking lame?

  After just one ring, the call disconnects, and I look down at my phone, seeing I’ve got service. I try again and again I get disconnected after one ring. I try five more times and nothing happens. I get a sick feeling in my stomach. What if something happened? What if something went wrong?

  I check the time she called and see that it was over three hours ago. I start to worry. Who can I call and talk to? How can I find out if she’s okay? Did I get a family member contact when I had her sign her contract? God, why didn’t I think of something like this happening?

  I start to pace the living room, thinking of how to get in touch with her, when I see headlights flash across the room.

  “What the fuck?”

  Who could possibly be coming to my house? I’ve never had anyone come here, and my family wouldn’t just show up without telling me. Maybe they’re lost. But my driveway is three miles long. Whoever comes down the road this far knows where they’re going.

  I go to the hall closet and grab the bat I keep in there. I have a hunting rifle, but it’s in the back of the house and not loaded. Probably not the best place for it in this situation, but I’ve never needed it before.

  I pull on my boots as fast as I can. I throw on my coat and walk towards the front door. I see the Jeep turn into the driveway and park just as I walk off the porch and down the front steps. I stand there for half a second, holding the bat, and wait to see who gets out. The snow is really pouring down now, and even a few feet away from the car, it’s hard to make out what’s happening.

  When a small woman in a big coat and stocking cap rounds the back of the Jeep, I squint as I try to make out who it is. She stops short when she sees me with a bat in my hand, and it’s then I realize I don’t have anything on to cover my face. I’m not wearing a hat or scarf, and my scars must frighten her.

  I can’t see her eyes very well with all the snow that’s coming down, but I lower the bat a little, thinking she must need some kind of help to come out this far.

  “Alex?”

  The one word nearly knocks me over on my ass. I let the bat drop into the snow and I turn around, quickly giving Noelle my back. I can’t let her see me. How did she even get here?

  “What are doing here, Noelle?” I can hear the cold callous sound in my voice, but I can’t stop it.

  “I…I had a problem with my internet. I needed to get the book back to you today.”

  Her warm voice is silky, like melted caramel rolling over my tense shoulders and penetrating my heart. My cock responds to her like it always does, going rock hard even in this frosty weather.

  “You shouldn’t be out in this weather.” All I can think about is how dangerous it was for her to come here.

  There’s silence for half a second, and then I hear her feet shuffle slightly. “You’re ri
ght. It was a real bitch getting here. I’m sorry. I tried to call, but I didn’t want to miss a deadline.” I hear her nervous laughter and have to rein myself in from going to comfort her. “I’m sorry, we can do this another time. I’ll just make my way back to town and try to call you later.”

  “No!” I don’t turn around, but the word echoes through the forest, silencing her.

  I never dreamed she would be here, and now that she is, I can’t stand the thought of her leaving. It’s too dangerous for her to drive anywhere else, not that I would let her anyway.

  “The weather is getting worse. You can’t drive in this.”

  “I’m sorry, Alex. I just didn’t want to lose my job. I’m sorry I disturbed you on Christmas Eve. I saw the town just a few miles back. I can go to the motel there, and maybe we can talk after the holiday.”

  “Stay!” I turn around quickly, throwing out the word before I have a chance to pull it back. I look away, not making eye contact and trying to keep my head turned so the worst of my scars aren’t facing her. “The motel is full. You can stay with me. I have a room.” I have no idea if the motel is full or not. I just don’t want Noelle to leave.

  “I can’t put you out like that, Alex. I’m really sorry—”

  “Just come inside. It’s freezing.” I wait for a second, and I see her turn to her Jeep and grab a bag out of the back. “You can stay the night. In the morning I can take you to the motel in town.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers, and I turn to walk into the house. When I hear sound of her footsteps following behind me, I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. How bad can this be? I can stay clear of her for one night. I can do this.

  Right?

  Chapter 5

  Noelle

  I quickly grab my bag from the passenger seat and follow in his wake, my heart pounding.

  “You cold?” he asks, stomping his boots and shaking the snow from them on the front door mat. I follow his lead, doing the same, not wanting to track snow into his cabin.

  “Ah, yeah.” It’s freezing out, but the wind seems to have more of a bite out here than it did in town. The cold cuts right through you out here. I could feel it rattle my car the further I got from the city.

  I follow him into the cabin before pulling off my boots and placing them by the door. He does the same, keeping his back to me as he does it. I can’t help but stare at his broad shoulders. I thought he'd be a big guy as he has such a deep voice, but he’s even bigger than I imagined. He’s over six feet, probably coming in a good foot over my five two stature. Most people have a lot of inches on me, but he has more than most.

  He turns his head a little, glancing over his shoulder at me. One deep blue eye meets mine. Loose, charcoal hair falls over his face, like he’s in need of a slight trim, and it blocks my view of his face. I’m dying to see it. It looked like he had a scar running down his forehead to his cheekbone when I saw him first. But with the dim light in the cabin and his hair blocking my view, it’s hard to tell.

  He reminds me of one of the old romance heroes I read about in my mom’s old trashy novels. Everyone in the books seemed to carry a brooding aura around them. And were always blessed with dark hair and sharp blue eyes. It never failed time and time again that the heroes would be described that way. Whenever I’d pick up another one of her books, I could almost predict when it was going to say it, and now I seem to be standing mere feet from one, ripped straight from the pages.

  I push the silly thought from my head because I’m once again living in my own fantasy, making real something that isn’t. I take a step toward him, unable to stop myself from reaching to move the hair out of his face. I don’t know what’s making me so bold, but I regret it instantly when he turns his head, giving me his broad back again, mumbling something I can’t quite catch.

  It is almost like he doesn’t want to look at me or something. The thought sends a cold chill down my spine that has nothing to do with the weather. In fact, it’s kind of warm in here with me still all bundled up and a fire blazing at the far wall. I’m guessing this is the living room as a Christmas tree sits in the corner, colored lights dancing across it.

  I’ve been dying to know what he looks like. I wanted to match a face to the man who’s been starring in my fantasies for the past few months. When I got out of the car, he took my breath away. I couldn’t even see him fully and I was entranced, just from being near him.

  Being so close after wanting him for so long, I found his words were hard and nothing like I’d thought they’d be. At times he could be firm with me, like when I called him by his last name, or when it took me a few rings to pick up the phone when he called, but what happened outside was confusing and unsettling. It was like he wanted me to get the hell out of here. Only he didn’t really want me to leave at the same time.

  “I…uh…” I say, trying to break the silence between us for the second time today. I’m totally getting fired. Hell, I kinda knew that when I popped on my audiobook and my voice wasn’t even on it. As much as I want to ask, I don’t feel like poking the bear he seems to have turned into.

  I knew he was the silent broody type, but I didn’t think he bit. Now I’m not so sure. He could rip my heart to shreds with a few harsh words. Maybe this is why I spend so much time with my head in the clouds and my nose in books, dreaming in my own little world. This real-life romance shit is hard and scary.

  “Follow me. I’ll show you where you can put your stuff,” he says without looking at me as he heads towards a hallway. It’s as if he wants to shove me into a room as quickly as possible. He won’t even look at me, and a lump starts to form in my throat. Forget it. I can’t do this.

  “Maybe I should just…” I turn to grab the door handle, but I remember I don’t have my shoes on so I can’t make as quick of an escape as I’d like. Before I can turn to grab my shoes, big arms shoot out on either side of me, landing on the door. His warm body presses into mine.

  “Don’t go.” His words are soft this time, and they tickle my ear. He doesn’t move, and I can’t seem to form any words with him pressed up against me like this. “Just let me show you to your room. You can take a warm bath if you like.”

  “Okay.” The fight leaves my body at his deep, sensual voice. My answer comes out breathy, and it takes every muscle in my body to stop myself from leaning into him. I want to rub against him like a cat in heat. I’ve never done anything wanton in my life, but Alex makes me do a lot of things I’ve never done before. Like drive three hours in a snowstorm, pretending it was all about saving my job, when really I’m being a low-key stalker.

  Maybe I can just say I’m cold or something if I rub against him. Oh my God, I’m totally trying to cop a feel! My cheeks burn with embarrassment at my own thoughts, but Alex still makes no move to release me. I can’t move until he drops the big arms that are caging me. God, how I wish I was facing the other way and staring into his dark blue eyes. I was so sure they would be brown when I pictured him, but my thoughts didn’t do those eyes justice.

  “Don’t try to leave again.” The firmness in his voice is one I know all too well. I am about to tell him I’ll do whatever I want, but feeling him pressed against me banishes any thoughts I have of leaving this cabin. “It’s dark, the snow is falling thick, and the coyotes will be out.”

  With that caution, the warmth of his body leaves mine, and I miss it instantly. Sadly, I think I could have stood like that all night and been utterly content. I turn, following him down the long hallway. The cabin is cute. It’s hard to make out much with so few lights on, but all the walls and floors are wooden. It’s rustic and homely and utterly perfect. The place looks like it was plucked right out of some catalogue. It would be the perfect place to spend Christmas.

  The thought reminds me that it’s Christmas Eve. I haven’t heard anyone else, but I feel bad, not only for intruding but for possibly putting someone out of a bedroom. “Are we alone?” I’m prying for information, but I’m wondering if a girlfriend or
someone like that is going to pop up.

  “I’m always alone.” That makes me happy until the words really sink it.

  He takes me upstairs, and we pass one door before we stop outside another. He turns the knob and pushes the door open. He half-turns to me, but the light is off, and I still can’t really make out his face. I can tell he has a strong jaw and nose, but seeing so little only makes me long to see more.

  “Get some rest. I’m sure it was a long drive.” With that, he turns and heads down the stairs, his big body disappearing into the shadows of the cabin.

  I go into the room he told me to take and flip on the nearby lamp. I ignore everything but the bed as I toss my bag onto it and let myself fall into its softness.

  I’m always alone.

  The words run through my mind over and over again. I couldn’t catch the tone he was saying them in. Was he alone before I got here, and he liked to be alone? Am I cramping his style? Or was he alone and didn’t like it?

  I find being alone is bittersweet. It’s something I’d wanted for so long, to be able to get lost in myself without my mother clucking all around me. But now the silence is somewhat lonely. It’s funny, but that ache didn’t start to build until Alex came into my life. Now I’m starting to think he opened a door I’m never going to be able to close.

  Chapter 6

  Alex

  I’ve tossed and turned for the past couple of hours, unable to do much else.

  She’s here. She’s really here.

  I hate that I’m a coward and completely unable to talk to her. I froze up the second I laid eyes on her, feeling things I’d never felt. We talked for so long, I felt like I knew her, but I wasn’t prepared for seeing her. Nothing could have prepared me for the reality of her beauty.