His Alone Read online

  Just like last night. He was sweet in the dirtiest way, showing me a side of him I didn’t even know was there. I like that I get that from him. Everyone else sees him as calm and cool, but I get to see something else. Like I have my own part of Captain no one else gets. Only I can draw it out of him, and he does it to me, too. It reminds me of the night he brought me home and told me he wanted the Paige I hide from the world, and I found myself wanting to give it to him.

  I jump in the shower and make quick work of getting ready. When I’m out, I blow-dry my hair a little and then pull it back into a low ponytail. I knot the length around the band, making it look like I have some kind of hairstyle, when really this is the easiest thing.

  I pull out a long-sleeved blue dress shirt that makes my eyes pop, and a pair of long black slacks. It’s my basic uniform of a button-up and slacks, but the fun is always in the shoes. Today I grab my royal-blue pair of Manolo Blahnik’s and slip them on. They match my shirt and my eyes, and I wonder if Captain will like it. I shake the thought from my mind.

  When I walk to the front door, I see a bag on the counter. I wonder how he left to get me breakfast and then came back and set it on the counter without my waking up. I must have been more tired than I realized last night.

  I open the bag and smile at the baked goods inside. He even brought me a Red Bull. I walk out the door, going to the lobby to wait for Miles to come down so I can escort him to work. When I get downstairs, he’s already waiting on me and talking to the front desk manager, and I check my watch to be sure I’m not late. I’m actually fifteen minutes early, so I wonder what’s going on.

  “Morning,” I mumble around a mouthful of muffin.

  “Hi,” he says, smiling and then eyeing the bag.

  I hold it out to him politely in offering, but thankfully, he shakes his head. I don’t know that I could have parted with any of the food Captain got for me. Something about him getting it makes it feel extra special.

  “I thought I’d come down early and we could walk to work together. Mallory wanted to meet the wedding planner first, and seems to think that it would be for the best. Something about me scaring her off if I went with her.”

  “You don’t say.” I raise an eyebrow. Miles laughs, and I realize he’s never done that with me before. The strange sound is nice, and for a second I forget our history and laugh with him.

  “I also thought this might be a good chance to talk.”

  My smile drops along with my stomach. It’s the fear that’s been sitting in the back of my mind. Now that he has Mallory, he doesn’t need me anymore. His little spy is no longer useful. Hell, I think I actually made things worse for him since we’ve gotten to New York, even plotting to sneak out with Mal one night. I’m surprised he didn’t fire me on the spot that time.

  “Let’s walk. It’s nice out this morning.”

  I nod and slip my bag of breakfast into my shoulder bag. I’m not so hungry anymore, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. But better to get this over with as soon as possible and while it’s only the two of us. Mal would probably make him keep me on, and I don’t want to be here just because I’m his soon-to-be-wife’s best friend. I want to be here because I’m wanted. Not because I’m pitied.

  “Paige, I’ve always known what you mean to Mallory and how important you are to her. I knew that even before she found out the truth about how I’d influenced her life. I saw the relationship you two had forged over time, and I don’t want to interfere with that. Even if at times I’m a little jealous of it.”

  We walk at a slow pace, but I look ahead, staying quiet and listening to what he has to say. This must be his way of letting me down gently.

  “And before Mallory, I had a hard time expressing my feelings to people, including you.” I can feel Miles look over to me, but I don’t acknowledge it. “I know that we’re in a strange situation with our relationship to each other and our history. But I wanted to clear that up now that Mallory has agreed to marry me and we’re going to have a baby. I’m on a new path.”

  I know he is. He isn’t after our father anymore, but I’m sure he knows I still am, and I’m guessing he doesn’t want that around him or Mal. I can’t take the anticipation anymore and I stop in my tracks, turning to him. “It’s fine. I’ll have my stuff out by the end of the week. Do I still have a job or not?” Miles looks at me with wide eyes, and I cross my arms, waiting for him to speak up. “Rip the Band-Aid off already. I’m a big girl and I can deal with it.”

  “Paige.” He pauses, and his mouth opens and closes a little, like a fish. He lets out a disgruntled breath and then tries again. “Paige, that’s not what this is. I know I’m bad at this, but I’m trying, so be patient with me, okay?”

  I shift my weight to my other foot, not understanding what he means. He pinches the bridge of his nose and curses, then looks at me again with eyes so like my own.

  “I’m trying to say that I care about you as a sister and as a friend. That I know I’ve been cold and distant for a long time, but it was my own ass getting in the way. You’re not only important to my Mallory, but you’re important to me. To the family we’re building. One that you are part of.” He reaches inside his jacket and hands me an envelope. “This is the deed to your apartment. I’m giving it to you. You’re still employed through Osborne Corp, but if you choose to seek employment elsewhere, I won’t stop you. But know that I would be truly sad to see you go. You’re an asset to the company and to your team. To everything Mallory and I are trying to build together.”

  I take the envelope and hold it in my hands, feeling tears sting my eyes. What is happening?

  “You and I have a common enemy, and I know our original plans changed for me. But if you need help with anything...” He gives me a hard look and something like understanding passes between us. “…anything at all, you tell me, and I’m there for you. I can never repay you for what you did to get my Mallory to me, so I hope this is a start. I’m grateful that I have you, and I hope now that things are settled between us, we can start to mend our broken past.”

  I hug the envelope to my chest and look down at my shoes, nodding. I don’t want to cry, and I’m afraid if I look at him I will. “Thank you,” I whisper, and as if in understanding, Miles starts to walk again.

  The rest of our journey to work is silent, and by the time we’ve arrived at Osborne Corp, I’ve got my emotions under control. When we pause outside the glass entrance, I turn to him.

  “Mallory was right about you.”

  Miles nods, a smile pulling at his lips. “She usually is.”

  “I’m not done with him,” I say, and Miles nods again. “I’ll do what I can on my own, because I want to keep your hands clean. But he’s got things he needs to atone for.”

  “I’m here if you need me,” is all he says.

  We walk inside and part ways, and I slip into the ladies’ room before going to my desk. When I walk inside, I go into the first stall, lock the door behind me and lean back against the wall. I put my hand over my mouth and let out the sob that I was holding in the whole way to work. All the worries that I didn’t know were hiding so close to the surface finally release, and I let them go. It’s like a weight has been lifted from my heart and I feel lighter. I allow myself a few moments to get it all out of my system, and then I take a shaky breath.

  A giggle escapes my lips, and I realize I’m happy. The worry of being pushed away from Mallory and from my home is gone. In its place is a dream of the future. One where I’m part of a family and have people who care about me. There were times in my life when I thought this was never possible, and to have it at my fingertips is something I didn’t dare allow myself to hope for.

  I walk out to the sink and wash my face, thinking about the path that’s stretching in front of me. If this is possible, then what else could be? I finish drying my hands and suddenly an image of Captain and me together forms in my mind. Would this be possible, too? Could I have a life with him despite my past?

&n
bsp; Walking out to my desk, I see McCoy, Grant and Sheppard are already in their seats, and I hear Jordan making coffee in the break room off to the side.

  Captain’s chair is empty, and I’m reminded that he’s with Mallory this morning. I wonder how it’s going and think about texting Mallory, but realize she probably needs to pay attention. Dropping my bag and sitting down in my chair, I decide to text Captain instead.

  Me: I do not snore.

  Immediately the chat bubble pops up, like he’s been waiting all morning for me to text. Something about that makes me smile, and I feel that little butterfly again.

  Captain: I’ve got video evidence.

  I cover my mouth with my hand, and I think he’s got to be lying.

  Me: Bullshit.

  Captain: Does this look like the face of a guy who lies?

  He sends a pic of himself, and I can’t help the goofy grin that spreads across my face. God, what this man does to me. Then I see the attached video and my mouth pops open. That fucker recorded me sleeping, and he’s right, I do snore.

  Me: Oh, you’re dead meat. You wait and see. Payback is a bitch with red hair.

  Captain: I look forward to it. How about tonight? I got passes to the new brewery that opened up in Chelsea.

  Me: If you’re trying to bribe me with beer, it won’t work.

  Captain: They have hot dogs, too.

  Damn it.

  Me: Fine. You win.

  Captain: Always do. See you after lunch. X

  The kiss on the end of the text feels silly. But at the same time I reach out and touch it, like he actually sent a kiss. I put the phone down and then drop my face in my hands. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I’m not supposed to be falling for him like this. None of this is part of the plan.

  I wish someone would tell that to my heart.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Paige

  * * *

  “YOU GOING TO get this shit out of here?” I ask Mal as I prop my ass up against the counter in the kitchen, looking over at the bridal explosion that is my living room.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s up with this little number?” Mal drops one of the bridal books she’s holding and runs her eyes over my outfit as she joins me in the kitchen.

  I have on a pair of white shorts, ankle boots and a dark purple crop top, which if I move just right will show a little bit of my stomach. It’s not something I’d normally wear, but I find I’m doing a lot of things lately I don’t normally do. Besides, my new favorite thing is to get Captain worked up. I like seeing how far I can push him before he snaps. Get him to use that dirty mouth of his on me. When he doesn’t hold back his emotions, I don’t have to decide if I should give in and enjoy our time, or if I should stay as far away as possible. When I’m not the one holding the power, it leaves the decision up to him. It’s a useless game, because I know what choice I’m going to make. But apparently I still like playing the game.

  I shrug, trying to downplay it. “Going for a few beers.”

  “I miss beer.” She puts on this fake little frown, making me roll my eyes. She’s been pregnant five minutes. How can she miss anything?

  “Yeah, you look real broken up about it.” She places her hand on her stomach, and her face lights up. It’s been like that for the past few days. She only pretends to pout, so I bet it works on Miles. Speaking of which… “Where is your shadow? I find it hard to believe he’s let you out twice in one day.”

  She waves her hand as if Miles is nothing to worry about. “Back to beers.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Captain?”

  “Yeah, he suckered me in with beers and hot dogs. How can a girl say no to that?” I do a fake swoon, but Mal smiles bigger, knowing it’s probably the perfect date to ask me on.

  “Maybe you should have a snack or something. I mean, this is a date, and sometimes when you eat you get a little…” She chomps her teeth together like she’s trying to make an animal face.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You know, like a crazy tiger.” She brings her hands up, doing some swiping motions, the worst tiger impression I’ve ever seen.

  “Does your tiger have rabies or something?”

  “Sometimes I wonder if you do.” She pushes away from the counter. “Come on, let me do your makeup.” I groan at the idea. This is a game we’ve played for years, but she has nothing to barter with. “I’ll get all this stuff out of here if you let me. All the pink will be removed from this apartment before you come back home tonight.”

  I weigh her offer. I could simply throw all the shit in the hallway.

  As if reading my thoughts, she trims her deal. “Just mascara and this lipstick I got that will match your top.” Without waiting for a response, she heads for her old room.

  When I enter, she’s digging through one of her makeup bags. I glance around her room and think about how fast things have changed. We haven’t really been in New York long, but for some reason it feels longer. Most of Mal’s stuff is still here. From what I can tell of the clothes she’s been wearing, Miles must have filled her closet with new ones at their place.

  Mal stops rifling through her bag and places her head on my shoulder, her fingers locking with mine. “It’s going to be weird not living with you,” she finally says. I lean my head against hers, thinking the same thing.

  “You’re just a few floors up,” I remind her, and myself.

  “I know. I know. Still.” She pulls me over to the bed, and I sit down as she starts putting mascara on me. “What will you do with the room?”

  “Nothing.” The word is simple, but it holds so much weight. I can’t think of a single thing to do with the room. Nothing. What does that say about me? What am I going to do? Make up some secret room where I plot my father’s death? Coat the walls with pictures and maps like you see on all the spy movies, because that’s literally the only thing going on in my life right now? It’s my one driving goal. I haven’t ever thought past the point of getting my revenge. What would I want after that? If there even is an after. The reality is I could be in a room like this, only smaller, with bars on one side. But now it seems like there are a lot of possibilities if I want them. The risk count is higher now. There’s more to lose.

  “Pout your lips,” Mal demands, and I do it. “God, Captain is going to lose it. Maybe he’ll even let you hold his shield.” The lame joke makes me laugh. “Take it. It looks great with your eyes.” Mal hands me the lipstick, and I look in the mirror.

  The dark plum lipstick does look good. Hell, it looks freaking sexy against my pale skin. I look like a woman. A lot of the time I feel like a girl, given how small I am. Maybe I should cover up the freckles on my nose.

  A knock sounds from the other room, and I glance over at the clock. Captain isn’t supposed to be here yet.

  “It’s Oz. I’m surprised he lasted this long.”

  I follow Mal out of the room and open the front door. Miles immediately pulls her into his arms, his mouth connecting with hers. I watch as Mal blushes, still shy about a public make-out session, but she doesn’t push him away. She lets him kiss her, and even though it’s a little gross, I’m happy for her. Weeks ago I would have told someone who was making out like that to get a room, but now envy lights inside me. There’s a new want that’s taken hold, and I know who put it there.

  Finally, he gives her one last kiss and they separate.

  “Hi, Paige.” He smiles and hugs Mal close.

  “Hey.” I give a half wave, not sure what else to do. I still feel a little off after this morning’s conversation. Mal looks from me to Miles, and he wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her even closer.

  “I have movers coming,” he says, and beams at Mallory.

  “You’ve said that ten times today, Oz. I know and everyone in the whole building knows you have movers coming today. You’re moving me upstairs and never letting me escape.”

  Miles doesn’t seem bothered by Mal making fun of him. He merely pulls her to the side to le
t the movers in, and starts giving orders.

  “How’d the wedding planner go this morning?” I ask Mal, ignoring everything else going on.

  “You don’t think they’re packing my panties, do you?” Mal says offhandedly, not answering my question. Miles lets out a weird sound, and after Mal’s tiger move in the kitchen, I wonder what animal sounds these two are going to teach their kid. Miles releases Mallory and goes to her room, I assume to collect her underwear.

  “Don’t bring up the wedding in front of Oz. He’s already trying to get information, but it’s a surprise. He’s always surprising me, and I want to be the one doing it this time…” She trails off as Miles returns with a box in hand.

  “I’ll toss these,” he tells her.

  “You will not!”

  I can tell Miles wants to say more when he flicks a glance my way, but he stops himself. Thank God, because I don’t want to hear about whatever my brother wants to do to my best friend.

  A knock on the open door makes us all turn to see Captain standing in the frame. He’s changed from his work clothes. His suit is gone and he’s dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray polo that fits tight across his chest.

  “Paige.” He walks over to me, and before I have a chance to wonder what he’s doing, he leans down and kisses me. It doesn’t last long, but the message is obvious. We’re together. He just made that clear in front of Miles and Mallory.

  “Osborne.” Captain nods to Miles, who studies us for a second. Mal has those stupid dancing hearts over her head again, and I want to pop them.

  “Ryan,” Miles says, and an awkwardness fills the room.

  Everyone but Mal seems to notice. Suddenly she’s in planning mode. “We should go on a double date. To dinner or maybe a ball game. Oz get the best seats. Or—”