Holding His Forever Read online

  “Your old ID is still in your desk.”

  “Oh, my God, you’re right!” A splash of relief hits me at that. I’d gotten a new ID when I’d moved into my apartment.

  “C-cup?” Nora asks, motioning to my boobs. I just nod as she goes to the closet that houses all the new bras and underwear. She finds me some and tosses them to me.

  I’m going to have to make a donation after this. Guilt from taking from here weighs heavily on me. Women and kids here have it way worse than I do. They need these things and don’t even have a penny to their names. I work here because I want to give back, not take. I quickly dress, wanting to get to my desk and see what needs to be done. I hate being behind, and I know work will take my mind off of everything, including this empty feeling that has settled in since I left the townhouse.

  “Where are you staying?” Nora asks, following me into the office.

  “I’m not sure,” I admit. I haven’t gotten that far yet. Hell, I haven’t gotten anywhere it seems.

  “You know you can stay here,” Nora offers. She is always on call and has a little cot in our shared office. She loves this place just as much as I do. Nora left her abusive husband a few years back but still doesn’t like to be alone, so being on call and staying here works for her and makes her feel safe. I am not taking her cot. She needs this place. I can make do. I will make do.

  “How many beds you got open right now?” I ask her, and I know from the look on her face the answer is zero. I’m not taking a bed from a woman who is here hiding from her husband or lover. Not going to happen.

  “I got it covered. Don’t worry about it.” I try to reassure her because she has enough to worry about as it is. I can either get a hotel for the night or go over to one of the normal shelters in the city. Either way, I know I’ll figure it out. I always do.

  This fire might have set me back, but I’ll pick myself up and get it together. It might drain the meager savings I have to buy new clothes and a deposit on a new place. I’d planned to use that money on finishing my last semester of college this fall, but I’ll be able to do that once I get back on my feet.

  Oddly, the thought of missing out on enrolling this fall doesn’t seem to bother me as much as never seeing Derek again. His face comes to my mind once again. It never fully leaves me. There was just something about him.

  “New family just got here. She has three kids,” Nora says, breaking into my thoughts. Grabbing my clipboard off my desk, I go to meet the new family. I hope I can stop thinking about how I miss a man I barely even know.

  “Seems like you’re kind of in a bind,” Sam says, running his eyes over me with that look a cat gets when it’s finally caught a mouse. Tracy just stands there and stares at both of us, looking just as pissed as she did the other night when she walked into the office and found out Sam had offered me the managing position. I’m thankful she’s pissed, because now she’s like a freaking hawk, watching everything that’s going on, and Sam can’t get me alone to ask me questions or press me about taking the job, or anything else he might have in mind.

  I really wish I could quit this place, but now that really isn’t an option at all. In fact, I have to make enough tips tonight to cover a hotel room. After the new family came into the shelter, I hadn’t been able to slip away to the bank to get cash before it closed. For a few hours, everything had slipped my mind but them. I was trying to make them feel welcome and safe, trying to make it seem less like an upheaval.

  “I’ll be okay. Luckily there are a few extra uniforms here,” I say smiling, trying to hide how uncomfortable this whole situation is. I just want to work and be left alone, maybe just go back to daydreaming about Derek. I wonder what he’s up to, if he’s thought about me at all. I regret not taking his number. Maybe there could have been something. A deep loss hits me again.

  10

  Phoenix

  When I get back to my place, I knock on the door and wait for Fia to answer it. She hasn’t called me, but she could still be sleeping. I can’t help but picture how I’d left her in my bed, and a sweet hum takes over my body. She had looked exhausted when I’d gotten her back her last night.

  I wait for a few moments, but don’t hear any movement on the other side of the door. I’ve got tons of bags in my hands from all the stuff I bought today, so I decide to just go ahead and use my key to let myself in.

  When I get inside, I go to the kitchen, wanting to put some of the food away, and spot her note. My stomach drops to my knees when I see that she’s left and isn’t coming back.

  Panic starts to pump through my veins, and I stand still for a moment, trying to assess the situation. I read the note over and over again, hoping that I read it wrong. Just then my phone buzzes, and I grab it out of my pocket without bothering to see who it is.

  “Yo, Phoenix. It’s Jim. Captain called me from the station earlier and asked me to pass on my preliminary report to you about the investigation. You got a second to go over it?”

  I want to hang up and run out to find Fia, but then I realize I have nothing to go on. I only know her first name, which feels crazy to me with all the things I’m feeling for her. Jim, the lead investigator for the police department, is my best chance at any kind of information about her.

  “Yeah, that was good of him to let you know. I’ve got a personal interest in finding out what happened, so let me know everything you’ve got.”

  He spends a few minutes going over his technical analysis of the damage and what he thinks started it. Then he gets into possible suspects, and my interest is piqued.

  “So, from all that we can safely say that the trigger was an accelerant in the Laundromat attached to the apartment complex on the top floor. There were only three people living in the building at the time, thank God, because it was far from up to code. The owner of the laundromat is being questioned this afternoon. From what we can tell, he’s got a stack of back taxes and liens. We’re still looking for the owner of the apartments, but our investigation assumes him as the lead suspect. It sounds like this guy is trying to cash in on the insurance and cut his losses.”

  Anger boils through me as I think of Fia being in a place that’s unsafe. I think I may need to pay this guy a visit and see for myself if he’s guilty or not. And then figure out who owns the apartment building so I can get some information from them.

  “Do you have anything on the tenants? Names, numbers?”

  Jim rustles some papers and makes a noise. “No, nothing. Looks like the people living there cleared out, but we’re sending someone over there today to try to locate and question any witnesses. I’ll keep you posted.”

  “Thanks, Jim. Anything I can do to help, you let me know. I appreciate it.”

  “Anytime, Phoenix.”

  I stand outside of Moe’s diner, just watching the place for a second before I go in. I’ve heard of this place before, that it stays busy. Looking inside, I see it’s packed with people for the dinner rush, making me think the food must be really good. The waitresses are buzzing around dressed in fifties-style diner uniforms, and suddenly a blonde catches my eye.

  “Fia?” I whisper.

  Then I spot the owner over her shoulder looking at her ass. I glare at him, my vision turning red with anger, and I clench my fists at my side.

  As if she hears me say her name, she freezes in place, staring back at me. Her mouth makes a perfect circle. She’s clearly shocked to see me. I’m wondering if it’s really such a coincidence that the owner of the Laundromat happens to own the diner where she works.

  Looking back, I see his greasy eyes are still looking down her body, and I feel like I need to remove them from their sockets.

  Charging in, I walk up to him, ready to punch him in the mouth. Just before I get to him, Fia steps in front of me.

  “Derek, what are you doing here?” She looks around at the crowded diner, but nobody is looking at us. She looks over her shoulder at her boss, and then looks to me. She understands.

  “I’m takin
g my break now. Why don’t you come with me outside so we can talk?”

  Sensing my tension and that something was about to happen, she slips her soft hand in mine, and I immediately turn to dough, the anger slipping from me at her simple touch. She pulls me with her, away from her boss, and I watch as he talks to a redheaded waitress, completely unaware of what nearly happened.

  Fia pulls me down a long hall, past the kitchen and out the back door to an alley. As soon as we are outside and the door clicks closed behind us, I’m on her.

  “Fia,” I whisper against her lips, right before my mouth finds her. I have to taste, too. To reassure myself that I’ve found her. The tension and black clouds that had been building since I last saw her are washing away.

  One hand goes to her waist to pull her flush against me while my other hand goes to the back of her neck to keep her from getting away. My whole body leans over her, towering her small frame and shielding her from view.

  Her full lips are as soft as satin, and I taste her warm tongue as she opens for me. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and bite down just a little. Then I sweep my tongue back inside, needing her more than I need my next breath. She lets out a moan, and I devour it, consuming her pleasure and letting it feed my soul. I want to inhale her passion and keep it only for myself, my inner caveman coming forward, needing to claim her.

  When I need to taste more of her skin, my mouth moves down her chin, across her jaw, and down her throat. I’ve still got a grip on the nape of her neck, and I move her head so that I can take what I want. I’m not waiting for her to give me anything, though I probably should. Somewhere, very quietly in the back of my mind, I know I should be slowing down. But I push that thought farther back and keep selfishly taking her. Needing her.

  “Derek,” she moans, and I nearly cum from the sound. “God, I don’t know you, but I can’t stop this feeling.”

  Her fingers go to my hair as I lick and suck at her neck. I’m going to leave a mark, and the thought turns me on more.

  “Don’t stop,” she whispers and pushes her body against mine.

  “Never,” I growl. I wonder where that came from. I’ve not once been this possessive of anything in my life, and I suddenly find myself wanting to throw her over my shoulder and carry her to a tower in a castle so no one else can so much as look at her beauty.

  I feel her hands on me, and her little body trying to rub against mine, and I can’t think straight.

  “We need a bed,” I grit out before moving to the other side of her neck. I want to lick and bite all of her like some caged animal.

  “I…oh, God, right there.”

  I sweep my tongue over the spot just below her earlobe and feel her shiver.

  “An hour,” she pants, like she’s running a marathon. “Give me one hour to finish up at work and I’m yours.”

  Pulling back, I look into her crisp blue eyes. Her hair has come loose from her ponytail, and her cheeks are flushed. Her lips are full, and she looks like she’s been roughly kissed. Good. She looks like she belongs to someone. Me.

  “Mine,” I say, not breaking eye contact. It’s not a question, but I want her to know the gravity of what she’s just said. “You better mean it, Fia. Because we both know something is happening here. And if you’re telling me that you’re mine, you better mean that in every sense of the word.” I’m being too forward and hard, but I can’t help it. When I didn't know where she was for those few hours, it was torture, and now I can’t lose her again.

  She lets out a shaky breath, and I feel her fingers move against my chest. She gives me a shy smile and then nods.

  “One hour,” I say, my voice rough with need.

  “One hour,” she confirms.

  11

  Fia

  My heart’s still racing thirty minutes later. I can still feel his lips and hands on me, sending feelings I’ve never had before never thought I’d have - through my body. I glance over at Derek, who’s sitting in the corner booth. His bulk takes up one side of the bench. He’s unmissable. He doesn't even have to say a word. I can just feel him in the room. He looks just as handsome without his uniform on, wearing casual jeans that grip his thick thighs, and a firehouse shirt that stretches across his broad chest. It looks like the same one he’d given me to wear last night.

  Whenever I look over at him he’s either looking at me or giving my boss a death glare. Sam just seems uncomfortable, which is nice. I like seeing the tables turn on him for once. I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. I want to ask him how he found me, but I’m guessing it wouldn’t take much for him to find out who I am given that he already knew where I lived. I’m still shocked he showed up here. At first I thought it was because he had to ask me questions about the fire or something, but then I saw the jealousy flicker in his eyes when he looked at Sam.

  He must have seen him staring at me or something, because he went right for him. I should have been scared. Normally when I come up against a man with anger on his face, I run. It was something I’d faced many times with my own father, and later with some of the women’s husbands and lovers at the shelter, but I didn’t feel even a trace of fear. In fact, for the first time that day, I felt safe. I didn’t have to worry about Sam cornering me because it was clear Derek wouldn’t let that happen.

  He watches me like he has every right to. Like I belong to him. Like it’s his responsibility. And it makes something deep inside me settle. It’s been too long since anyone has really looked out for me. It’s as if a small burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I don’t even care if it’s only for a small window of time, I’m going to enjoy it. I’ll take what I can get because life hasn’t been handing me many great things lately. I’m going to take this ray of sunshine, because that’s what Derek is.

  I walk over to him with my pot of coffee to refresh his drink, or maybe it’s just because I want to be near him again.

  “He stares too fucking much.” He says it loud enough for anyone to hear. He doesn’t appear to care. I feel heat hit my cheeks. I ignore his words. What can I say to that? Sam does stare too much, and I hate it, but I don’t think it’s against the law to stare.

  “He always do that?” This time his words are soft and low and only for me. I just nod at his question. His jaw clenches. “He ever do anything else?” I just look down at him, not sure what to say. “Never mind. Don’t answer that or I’ll be out of this seat. Just finish your shift, angel.”

  He gives me a warm smile, but I can tell it’s forced. I like that what Sam does pisses him off. That it bothers him. That someone seems to care and finds it not okay. Not like Tracy, who is only upset because she wants Sam’s attention, and I don’t even think it’s his attention she wants. More like his money, but Sam doesn’t seem like he’s loaded or anything, so I really don’t get it at all.

  I go back to waiting on my tables and try to stay clear of Sam as much as I can. I don’t want there to be a problem. I just want to finish my shift and be done. I’m really going to have to find a new second job. This just isn’t working, and the tension and unease I’m feeling is only getting worse. It doesn’t matter at this point that I make the best tips here, I’m just going to have to find something else.

  “Stay away from Sam,” Tracy growls next to me as I start a new batch of coffee. I look over at her, and if looks could kill I’d be six feet under.

  “There is nothing between Sam and me,” I tell her. I don’t want to argue with her about it because it’s not worth fighting over. None of it is. It’s silly.

  “Just watch yourself, or maybe I’ll go tell your flavor of the week over there about how you sleep around to get what you want.” I just stare at her. Do people even talk like that? Flavor? “Guess it doesn’t matter. Someone like that isn’t going to stick around with the likes of you,” she huffs before turning to leave with a smile pasted on her face like she just won something.

  The woman is in her mid-fifties and is trying to fight over a man with me. I’m not ever fightin
g for Sam, but she’s trying to take me down a peg or two. And as much as I hate to admit it, the cuts sting a little.

  I look down at my cheap waitress uniform that makes me itchy and irritates my skin. This one is even smaller than my normal one. This was all that was left, and I undoubtedly look like I’m stuffed into it. It really brings home how different Derek and I are. We’re from different worlds, but I hadn’t seen that. I’d just been lost in him.

  I glance up and see it’s finally time to go. I counted my money earlier and saw that I’d made enough to cover a hotel room if need be. I’m done for the night. I make my way to the front to get Derek, a nervous excitement coursing through me. I’m not sure what’s going to happen.

  I don’t know if I’m going home with him. I have to find a place to stay tonight, and it seems rude to just assume that I’ll go to his place. It would be even odder to ask him if he wants to go to whatever hotel I check into. My excitement starts to turn into anxiety. I’m not sure how to handle any of this.

  Caught up in my thoughts, I run right into a wall of a man, and I know from his smell that it’s Derek. His hands go to my sides, making sure I don’t fall on my butt. I look up at him. Jesus, I’d have no idea what to do with this man if I went home with him. I want to. God, do I want to. But my experience with men is less than zero. Heck, I avoid them as much as I can.

  “Careful,” he says, pulling me closer to him, his warmth seeping into me, going all the way to my bones.

  “Fia, I need you in my office before you leave,” Sam yells across the diner, bringing me out of my Derek fog.

  Derek makes no move to release me. Instead, his fingers sink deeper into my waist, his head starts to lower, and his mouth takes mine in a soft kiss. I easily open to him as his tongue enters my mouth. My body comes to life once again. I want to push further into him, but I’m already plastered to his front. When he pulls back, I’m breathless and have forgotten where I am or what I was doing. I didn’t know a kiss like that was possible.